Men are Men

That was 1985; I was twenty three years old then when I got married, after more than a year of living in with my husband. I have a five month old boy and my mother takes care of him. And I promise to protect my marriage whatever happened. 1986 we transferred to a new house we rented for five hundred pesos, to build a family. For the first four years of our relationship, everything was fine. There’s an argument sometimes but we patch up things easily. Even were having financial difficulties at that time, we survive because we both is working out to solve the problems. In 1989, the company where he was working offered a housing loan to all employees. And my husband luckily availed of the offer. So, I was very happy that we were able to have a house of our own and were paying only more than a thousand pesos a month. But before we transfer to our new, sixty square meter house, I gave birth to my second child. I have already two kids to attend to at the time we transferred to our new house. And this time my mother separates from us because she had to attend to my brothers and sisters who arrived from the province for good.
Our new house was two rides away from my husband’s work place. My neighbors include my husband’s co-employees. Since we got the second lot entering the subdivision, I put up a small retail store to help my husband on our financial needs. At first my life and business goes smooth, but there was a sudden change of schedule for me since I was alone now attending to so many household chores. While my husband sleeps the whole time his home, because he takes a night shift at work I did all the housekeeping. Like taking care of my two toddlers, managing my retail store, cooking of food for my husband before and after going to work. Because of the sudden change of my schedule, I lost the harmonious moment with my husband. Financial matters to me most due to added financial responsibilities. I even stop attending mass on Sundays. I would rather buy flowers and let a friend to bring it to church. That was my situation until one day a big trouble came. A friend told me that my husband was having an affair with another woman. I can't accept the fact that in spite of what I'm doing for our family life, still he can do this to me. As days goes by the news was getting obvious to me. I felt the coldness of my husband to what couples used to do and also he often came home late almost everyday. This alarmed me to get a proof of the news so I can directly confront him. I went to the girl's house where my husband makes a stop over everyday before going home from work. But I wasn’t able catch him there. My informer told me that the girl has two kids, look younger than me and working at a beer house nearby. I went to her house twice but I don’t made quarrel with her because I want to settle the problem peacefully. I just told her that if she continues her affair with my husband she will get nothing from him.
Then I started confronting my husband but he never admitted to me, the crime he was doing. Until days passed by, and my husband never came home anymore. So the pain goes deeper and my days are getting lonelier everyday. So what will I do next? Shall I stay here? Having two kids to take good care of and fed is not easy. I had to make a rush decision because we were totally abandoned by my husband.
I sold the unit immediately, because I was afraid that I can’t pay the monthly amortization. I deposited the money in the bank. I brought my kids to my mother’s house but we only stayed there for four days. I rented a small room for my kids minus my husband. Just for my kids I keep the line of communication open between my husband and me. It took weeks before he visited us in our new house. This time I keep my self busier again to earn money since I can’t force my husband to give me his full salary. Jealousy is still there, I know I can’t gain him back easily. Every body is affected due to the hurt aches that I felt. Sad to say, I lost my self confidence.
After two months without the knowledge of my husband and with the help of my friends and my father-in law, I manage to buy a new lot and built a small house on it. I didn't know if he was surprised of what I've done, but somehow I'm sure he was. That was the month of May, 1990.
The routine still the same, he visits us once a week. But he didn't forget to bring his one sack of rice from the company. During his pay day I had call to him to set where and what time am I going to get a part of his salary. I felt I'm a beggar begging for a piece of bread. I can't imagine myself at that time but one thing I'm only sure of, is to make sure my kids are safe and eating at the right time. I even applied and was hired as nanny for Pakistan just to escape from my marital problem. I have my flight schedule but my mother opposed of my plan so I decided to stay.
Another problem arises in 1991, when I visited my obstetrician and I was diagnosed of chronic cervicities. That when I told my husband about it, he accused me of getting the disease from mating with other man. A very bad allegation but I don't take it seriously, I know myself better. I was sick at that time of that same year when I was struck of very sad news that my mother was diagnosed of stage two, cervical cancer. She was brought back to our province to have her recovery and my youngest sister and some of my relatives attended her but after several months she died. I was very thankful that my husband sent money to help my mother's memorial expenses. After the burial, we went home from the province. The death of my mother was a wake up call to me. If I was able to survive the pain losing my mother, may be I can also afford to lose my husband if I'll try. To many advices coming from a lot of my friends still I didn't listen from one of them. I did a lot of strategies to win him back but nothing happened. Until one day I discovered myself kneeling at the church asking the Lord to guide me because I can't trust anybody. I started fixing myself to regain my confidence. As much as possible I have to be strong even I felt my weakness inside of me, to face what's happening. I went to church weekly. I cried out and release all the things that bothered my mind including having a child of my husband to other woman. Attending masses has a lot of things to do with my problems. It teaches me to accept the fact that everything I see and hold is not mine, including my husband. Every thing was just a borrowed materials and I will just left it here, the day I die. I was mellowed by the word of God. I practiced humility and trust the Lord that he's in control over my problems. And suddenly everything changed unexpectedly. My husband was reformed and the last thing I know, I was pregnant of my third child. But since my husband had a group in his work, I can't stop him to go with them and enjoyed their boys out during pay day. This time even I know and I felt that he started flirting again, I don't really care. May be to others I was numb to it. But the thing they don't know is; in my mind I know God never stops working and I fell it. I shared this experience not to praise my being a survivor, but to encourage mothers to give a chance to any problem we encountered for the sake of the kids and God that binds us one. Men are not to be blame for broken marriages all the time, because men are men. They always give excuses to their hang ups in life. Kids are always to consider but if things really got worst and respect is to hard to find we have our options as human being...... think twice!

Guard on duty

We can't easily catch her giving us this kind of pose. But this time my nephew was fortunate to stole a shot at her last March, while everybody were busy inside the house. My three year old pet, Chao. She barks at anyone who enters our house especially at night. Keep up the good work, Chao!

Soul searching

The verses of these books renewed by being many years ago when I was down, low..... Just keep calling, GOD is just a prayer away.