Men are Men

That was 1985; I was twenty three years old then when I got married, after more than a year of living in with my husband. I have a five month old boy and my mother takes care of him. And I promise to protect my marriage whatever happened. 1986 we transferred to a new house we rented for five hundred pesos, to build a family. For the first four years of our relationship, everything was fine. There’s an argument sometimes but we patch up things easily. Even were having financial difficulties at that time, we survive because we both is working out to solve the problems. In 1989, the company where he was working offered a housing loan to all employees. And my husband luckily availed of the offer. So, I was very happy that we were able to have a house of our own and were paying only more than a thousand pesos a month. But before we transfer to our new, sixty square meter house, I gave birth to my second child. I have already two kids to attend to at the time we transferred to our new house. And this time my mother separates from us because she had to attend to my brothers and sisters who arrived from the province for good.
Our new house was two rides away from my husband’s work place. My neighbors include my husband’s co-employees. Since we got the second lot entering the subdivision, I put up a small retail store to help my husband on our financial needs. At first my life and business goes smooth, but there was a sudden change of schedule for me since I was alone now attending to so many household chores. While my husband sleeps the whole time his home, because he takes a night shift at work I did all the housekeeping. Like taking care of my two toddlers, managing my retail store, cooking of food for my husband before and after going to work. Because of the sudden change of my schedule, I lost the harmonious moment with my husband. Financial matters to me most due to added financial responsibilities. I even stop attending mass on Sundays. I would rather buy flowers and let a friend to bring it to church. That was my situation until one day a big trouble came. A friend told me that my husband was having an affair with another woman. I can't accept the fact that in spite of what I'm doing for our family life, still he can do this to me. As days goes by the news was getting obvious to me. I felt the coldness of my husband to what couples used to do and also he often came home late almost everyday. This alarmed me to get a proof of the news so I can directly confront him. I went to the girl's house where my husband makes a stop over everyday before going home from work. But I wasn’t able catch him there. My informer told me that the girl has two kids, look younger than me and working at a beer house nearby. I went to her house twice but I don’t made quarrel with her because I want to settle the problem peacefully. I just told her that if she continues her affair with my husband she will get nothing from him.
Then I started confronting my husband but he never admitted to me, the crime he was doing. Until days passed by, and my husband never came home anymore. So the pain goes deeper and my days are getting lonelier everyday. So what will I do next? Shall I stay here? Having two kids to take good care of and fed is not easy. I had to make a rush decision because we were totally abandoned by my husband.
I sold the unit immediately, because I was afraid that I can’t pay the monthly amortization. I deposited the money in the bank. I brought my kids to my mother’s house but we only stayed there for four days. I rented a small room for my kids minus my husband. Just for my kids I keep the line of communication open between my husband and me. It took weeks before he visited us in our new house. This time I keep my self busier again to earn money since I can’t force my husband to give me his full salary. Jealousy is still there, I know I can’t gain him back easily. Every body is affected due to the hurt aches that I felt. Sad to say, I lost my self confidence.
After two months without the knowledge of my husband and with the help of my friends and my father-in law, I manage to buy a new lot and built a small house on it. I didn't know if he was surprised of what I've done, but somehow I'm sure he was. That was the month of May, 1990.
The routine still the same, he visits us once a week. But he didn't forget to bring his one sack of rice from the company. During his pay day I had call to him to set where and what time am I going to get a part of his salary. I felt I'm a beggar begging for a piece of bread. I can't imagine myself at that time but one thing I'm only sure of, is to make sure my kids are safe and eating at the right time. I even applied and was hired as nanny for Pakistan just to escape from my marital problem. I have my flight schedule but my mother opposed of my plan so I decided to stay.
Another problem arises in 1991, when I visited my obstetrician and I was diagnosed of chronic cervicities. That when I told my husband about it, he accused me of getting the disease from mating with other man. A very bad allegation but I don't take it seriously, I know myself better. I was sick at that time of that same year when I was struck of very sad news that my mother was diagnosed of stage two, cervical cancer. She was brought back to our province to have her recovery and my youngest sister and some of my relatives attended her but after several months she died. I was very thankful that my husband sent money to help my mother's memorial expenses. After the burial, we went home from the province. The death of my mother was a wake up call to me. If I was able to survive the pain losing my mother, may be I can also afford to lose my husband if I'll try. To many advices coming from a lot of my friends still I didn't listen from one of them. I did a lot of strategies to win him back but nothing happened. Until one day I discovered myself kneeling at the church asking the Lord to guide me because I can't trust anybody. I started fixing myself to regain my confidence. As much as possible I have to be strong even I felt my weakness inside of me, to face what's happening. I went to church weekly. I cried out and release all the things that bothered my mind including having a child of my husband to other woman. Attending masses has a lot of things to do with my problems. It teaches me to accept the fact that everything I see and hold is not mine, including my husband. Every thing was just a borrowed materials and I will just left it here, the day I die. I was mellowed by the word of God. I practiced humility and trust the Lord that he's in control over my problems. And suddenly everything changed unexpectedly. My husband was reformed and the last thing I know, I was pregnant of my third child. But since my husband had a group in his work, I can't stop him to go with them and enjoyed their boys out during pay day. This time even I know and I felt that he started flirting again, I don't really care. May be to others I was numb to it. But the thing they don't know is; in my mind I know God never stops working and I fell it. I shared this experience not to praise my being a survivor, but to encourage mothers to give a chance to any problem we encountered for the sake of the kids and God that binds us one. Men are not to be blame for broken marriages all the time, because men are men. They always give excuses to their hang ups in life. Kids are always to consider but if things really got worst and respect is to hard to find we have our options as human being...... think twice!

Guard on duty

We can't easily catch her giving us this kind of pose. But this time my nephew was fortunate to stole a shot at her last March, while everybody were busy inside the house. My three year old pet, Chao. She barks at anyone who enters our house especially at night. Keep up the good work, Chao!

Soul searching

The verses of these books renewed by being many years ago when I was down, low..... Just keep calling, GOD is just a prayer away.

They are really a different kind of generation

Way back the time when you can move anywhere safe and sound. The time that you will not be afraid not to lock your doors at night before going to sleep. When you're free traveling from one place to another. But today it's to risky. Our society today is very different from yesterday. Our young generation is very different from our time. And take note on how kids discipline applied today! Yesteryear's kids were easy to handle. You just wink your eyes what you mean for them to do and they got it. But today most parents experienced a lot of hardship dealing with their children. May be it is the kind of generation they're in. Just like my kids, I used to make excuses of their behavior towards me not to get angry at them at all times. And I know that I'm not alone of this crusade, because this is a common topic of my friends, who also had kids like me whenever we have a gathering. And even my neighbors they were also complaining about this kind of problem. As I have observed there's no perfect theory regarding application of perfect parenting in today's generation because of the big influence our kids got from the their friends and the people outside our home. And the gadgets their using now for fun and leisure. But, as parents we had to assist ourselves, too. Do we attend to their needs? Are we around when they want to talk to us about their troubles? Do we give them advice when they need it? Did we give them the courage to be strong or telling them that we're very proud of them? I think it's a two way thing around to consider. And often it's always a case to case basis and because people are tends to be very judgmental. That's why there's a lot of young unwed mothers, drug users, rape victims, abused children and out of school youth. And at this point, they become to be not only our family problem, but also our society's problem. In my case I'm not a perfect mother and we are not a perfect family, either. But some situations in my life made me change my strategy in handling my kids. I prefer to give up some of my priorities even some source of income. I now stayed at home almost the whole day, even though I don't like the routine since I'm not used to it. I just go out of the house if it is necessary. A few years ago, I am always cramming doing the task that is not mine to do, just to please others. I was over loaded. I was out of my focus to my children. I was very busy and happy earning money. And this made my children felt that earning money is easy. They are very careless. So may be this is one thing that affected their feeling towards me. I gave them what they want; effortless on their part. My eldest child reached the age of twenty three, without forcing himself to find a good job. He was hooked of playing games at the Internet 'Cafe. My second child who always went home late at night after her night class, surprise me always of coming home earlier than I expected. The youngest that used to bang the door when she's angry, is not doing the same thing now. A small thing that I noticed being with them every day. Even my financial status is suffering; I felt the change of their attitude because I started changing myself towards them. This coming September 1st, my son will attend his two day training to start his job. He's now hired and he promised to give me some of his income. I hope that I'm at the right track dealing with them now. Some more patience on my part. But sometimes it's better to give a try than never. Especially when it's for the benefit of our children. And who knows, it's ours too as parents!

Workshop

The Singers of GMA ARTIST Workshop Batch IV with their coach, Sir Jeffrey Hidalgo on their wacky pose.Say cheese! My gifted daughter, Kathy and her friend Chie. Chie is one of my favorite on Kathy's circle of friends.
The coaches and some of the facilitators that makes the workshop possible and successful. Posing with them are the two talented kids of Coach Sherwin Ordonez. Thank you!

Coincidence and a Mother's Dream

Kath, keep on singing and enjoy your single lady days. Treasure every moment of it because you will never, never pass that way again as you go along......

I'm a music lover by nature. One of my ambitions is to be a singer, but it didn't happen to me that way. When I was pregnant of my second child as I lay down in bed before sleeping in the afternoon, it is my habit to turn on the battery operated transistor radio on my favorite music station and put it on my stomach. I can't recall my purpose but it was the habit that I keep doing until I give birth to my second child. She was a very shy girl when she was a little girl. Very seldom that I heard her talking. But when she reached the age of twelve, I was surprised to hear her sing "Anak ng Pasig" a song popularized by Miss Geneva Cruz. A cool and beautiful voice in a high pitch tone. By that time then I keep dreaming to enroll her to a singing workshop to enhance her talent. Even though the workshop is just a walking distance away from our house, I know at that time I still can't afford the cost in sending her in one of the workshops. Until the right time came that my dream to enroll her to a workshop came true. I had enrolled her to four workshops. One after the other. Just not to stop her from singing because she's not fond of practicing singing at home. The latest is the GMA ARTIST WORKSHOP of Channel 7. Before joining her latest workshop, she had joined different bands already. She also wins trophies and cash in singing contests that she had joined. She's our family singer. Her friends and classmates used to invite her to sing for their birthdays and other social gatherings.
I love music so much. I want my daughter to be a professional singer someday. Honestly, I was the one pushing her to sing when she was a little younger. But today I see the determination in her now. So I hope and pray that her booking in Japan will materialize.
Kathy with Pooh singing together at the comedy bar a year ago.

My youngest daughter, Korina on her best performance during her School singing workshop's recital. She sang " A HOUSE IS NOT A HOME. She's also into music.

Recycle

Different looks of recycled bottle.

Ready for painting.

A trial and error over a set of used bread spread bottles, beautify of limited colors that I bought from a well known bookstore in town. I'll keep trying it, 'til it's perfect.
An air balloon in my mind. It makes me aim higher.
Inspired me of the strength and endurance of the ethnic groups still living in the jungle.
The kind of a flower that makes me reminisced my elementary days. There's a yellow and orange variety of each kind. Together with my classmates, we used to plant this near the school's concrete fence. But sad to say, I still see this flower often around; but my classmates are seldom to be found. Wishing to see you guys! To be rich. To uplift my lifestyle to the next level, higher....

It's nice to see our waste at home in their beautiful looks. It's fulfilling! See more recycled thing in my next blog.